You're an idiot
by mk94
Summary: Sherlock is an idiot, John is sexually frustrated and their son Hamish wants a little sibling. Somehow Mpreg. Rated high T and low M. Johnlock.


**Hello readers. Sorry that I haven't written any continuations of my other stories. I have a bit of a writers block. This is a oneshot I had to get out of my you like it and commant on that. Have fun.**

Hamish was watching his parents in the kitchen while sitting on his father's armchair and pretending to read. He watched his father hugging his dad tightly, kissing him deeply. "Sherlock….not here…." He could hear his dad muffled moan. His father chuckled by this. Hamish smiled softly. But his frown followed soon after, when the phone of the consulting detective was ringing. The black haired teenager shook his head when said man quickly pulled back from the kisses and embrace, which made his dad whimper disappointed. "Finally! John, look! Just like I predicted! Come on, we have no time to loose!" his father cheered and quickly walked out the kitchen, grabbing his scarf and coat and left their flat already. He didn't even notice his husband still standing where he was left. The blond ex-army doctor finally sighed and slowly followed Sherlock out of the flat. "I just have to make requests, right?" He asked himself sarcastically. "Please, don't wait for us, ok Hamish? We may come too late."

"Ok, dad. Please tell father he's an idiot, good night for both of you." Hamish hugged his dad in farewell and smiling as the older man gave a small sadly laugh. "I tell him. Good night."

And so, his father, John Hamish Watson-Holmes, also left the flat, waving his last goodbye. Hamish closed the door, and walked to his bedroom, which once was his dad's room.

* * *

Hamish woke up by the sound of a closing door and rustling clothes. It was 1:00 in the morning. "How….? How could this happen!?" His father shouted through their home. "Sherlock, keep quiet…Hamish is sleeping-"his dad whispered. "But John, don't you understand? Why do I ask? It's obvious that you don't understand so I explain it for you…." Hamish slowly walked out of his room, sitting on the stairs and observing his parents in the living room. While his father was talking about the case, his dad walked into the kitchen, coming later back with two cups of tea. His father ignored the tea, sitting on his armchair in his typical thinking pose. John put the two cups of tea down on their coffee table, walking up behind his thinking husband, slowly massaging his shoulders. Hamish had to suppress his giggling when he watched his dad leaning down to the other's ear, whispering something.

Obviously something to seduce the detective, referring to the lightly biting on the ear and kissing on the neck. Sherlock hold up his hand to gently touch the doctor's face. He whispered something back, still looking concentrated. But John smiled widely, excitement shining in his eyes. He gave one last kiss on the man's dark locks and moved to their bedroom. Hamish managed to run up the stairs unnoticed and hide behind the bathroom door. To his so happy luck (sarcasm involved) he had to keep his breath so he kept unnoticed to his dad walking into the bathroom. The teenager watched him looking at the mirror. The man scratched his chin thoughtfully and began to shave his stubble off. Thank goodness that John thought Hamish to keep his breath fully four minutes (just in case, he said…) because he just couldn't destroy this night by making him aware that he's awake.

After John left for his room with a clean grinning face, Hamish sneaked out and quickly made his way to his room. He took out his headphones and started some music. With that he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

It was six ó clock in the morning. It was the normal time for Hamish to make himself ready for school. Hamish checked his uniform one last time before he walked downstairs to the kitchen. To his utter irritation, he saw his dad making some breakfast and tea. "Morning, Son. Want some eggs?" He asked. Hamish nodded slowly, sitting at the table and looking at his plate of eggs and vegetables his dad made for him. "Something's wrong?" he asked, making John jump, surprised. Actually he didn't have to ask. By his dressing gown, pulled tightly together, which John always pulled tight together when he is quite stressed, can only mean that his dad didn't get laid. His hair uncombed and his eyes with dark circles proved his point that he didn't sleep at all, waiting for his partner. Hamish sighed as he watched his dad trying to open a new box of coffee with his shaking hands. "Wrong? No, nothing is wrong, Hamish!" John tried to sound cheery. He cursed under his breath when he still didn't manage to open the box of coffee. "Let me help." Hamish said, walking over to his stressed parent and opening the box for him. "Thank you, Hamish. Just look at you son, growing up so fast. I think I'm getting old…"

"Don't say that. Your anatomy is still full functioning, dad, and looking just like it. So stop talking nonsense."

John laughed half hearty. "You sound like your father." By that comment, the blond sighed tiredly. He made the coffee and walked up to his husband, who (oh surprise) didn't move an inch since last night. John put the coffee down beside the other man and walked back to Hamish giving him a kiss on his mop of black curls. "Now, get ready for school. I'll drive you-"

"Oh no, dad, not necessary. One of my friend's mum will drive us today. There is no need."

John glanced at him warily, but shrugged anyway. He ruffled Hamish's hair, kissed him once again and made his way to the bedroom. "Take care..." he yawned. The teenager sighed again. Poor John.

"Bye father! I'm off to school."

"Take care, son…" Sherlock murmured and went back to his mind palace. When Hamish made it out of their flat, he went to Mrs. Hudson. "Hello, deary~" the land lady greeted him lovely. Hamish greeted back. "Morning Mrs. Hudson! May you tell Father that he is an idiot?" The lady chuckled, "of course, dear. Have fun today!"

When Hamish made his way outside their home, he took out his phone. "Hello, uncle Mycroft?...Yes, I wanted to ask if you could pick me up for school?...yeah, father is an idiot. Yes, ok. I'll wait for you."

* * *

A month later…

"Why do have to come with you?" Hamish whined as his dad dragged him towards a vegetable stand. The weekly market was full of people. Hamish never liked to be surrounded by many people. The choice of topics they choose is giving him a headache. "John Watson! Nice to see you again!" The man by the veggies greeted. It was too cheery for Hamish's liking. "Hello again, Donny!" John greeted back. To his son's confusion, John was actually smiling brightly. They seemed to get along very well…did he just call his dad 'Watson'? His name is Watson-Holmes, thank you very much. " Dad, who is that guy?" Hamish snapped, glaring at 'Donny'. "Oh! Forgot to introduce you. Hamish, that is Don from the vegetable stand. He sells really good things…"

"Oh my, thank you, John…" Don grinned at them.

"I get the vegetables every week here." John continues.

"And Donny, this is my son, Hamish."

"You have a wonderful child, dare I say. He has your eyes, I see that…nice to meet you, boy. I'm Donny."

"Hamish" said-boy replied emotionless, shaking the hand that guy held up to him. How much he wished to act like his father right now. Sherlock wouldn't even look at him. John on the other side would expect from his son to have manners.

Hamish watched his dad giggling-wait, GIGGLING?! And also blushing! "Well, I know. Handsome son I have….well something you have to offer?" If Hamish couldn't deduce like his father, he would have said that John is cheating on his husband. But it's obviously by their behavior that nothing happened….yet. Donny didn't seem to care that he is flirting with a married person. How he explained how to notice fresh veggies while exchanging touches here and there. The teen didn't like it one bit. "Dad, I want to go home."

John nodded, "Yes, just one moment-" his phone was ringing. He took it out to read his message. "Your husband?" Donny asked, which made Hamish really suspicious. "Yeah, I think something about his newly case he's working on"

"Did he ever write you just because he wants to? It seems to me all his messages have something to do with cases…"

"Well, I told you about Sherlock, he isn't very sentimental…." John smiled up at the other man before he finally looked at his message. His smile faltered and his face grew worried. "Hamish, do me the favor please, take the bags and go home, understand? I have to go." He gave his son the bags and a kiss on his forehead, waved to Donny and ran to where ever he is heading. Hamish then glared at the other man behind his stand. "Don't you dare come near to my dad" He spit out. Donny's smile fell, "what?"

"You heard me. I know what you want from him. And I say 'no'. Keep you filthy hands by yourself."

"Hey, hey, kid…" Donny spoke up, his voice sounding mockingly," Do you think it's my fault that your other father is a horrible lover?" He laughed at Hamish's shocked expression. "If you know how much stress John has to deal with, you should give him this freedom, don't you think?" Hamish glared Donny again. "If you'll go any further, you will regret it. And I mean it." He huffed and turned around to walk back home.

* * *

Back at home…

Hamish was doing homework in his room when he heard the doors slammed. "Sherlock, really, do you even think about of what you're doing sometimes?!" John was yelling at his husband. "John, I think you are overre-"

"What? Overreacting?! You broke you bloody arm! That Mr. Thomson nearly killed you! You can be lucky to just have broken your arm!"

"I don't understand why you are mad, John. I just have minor-"

"Minor!?"

"-minor injuries, yes. Important is, the case is solved. Mr. Thomson killed his sister because-"

"I don't bloody care that the case is solved and the reason why Thomson killed her! You are hurt and THAT is important!"

"Everything is fine John-"

"No, Sherlock! Nothing is 'fine'! Do you even care about your family?! About me?! Because I get the feeling that I just became a burden-"

"If we are talking about that night again, John, then let me explain-"

"I don't need your explanation, you bloody idiot! What I need right now is a drink! Don't wait for me, I- argh! Screw it!"

Hamish winced as he heard the doors slammed again. Now his father really did it. And from what he experienced today in the weekly market, the teen knew that the doctor would get a drink with that guy. He snapped his book close. When his dad will get heavily drunk and Hamish is sure that he will, then Donny will take this to his advantage. "I can't let that happened."

* * *

"Father, you're an idiot." Sherlock heard his son saying. He looked up from his latest experiment. "To be honest, you're not the first one who called me an idiot."

"Do you know what you've done?"

"Please, Hamish, don't act like your dad. I know I worried him. Don't worry Hamish, this was just a little fight. He'll get over it."

"You don't get it father. Did you notice that your marriage is in danger?"

Sherlock stiffed. He looked up at his son, who crossed his arms over his chest. Hamish was actually glaring at him. "Our marriage?"

"In danger, yes" His son snapped. Sherlock left the table and walked up to the teen. "You know something. Tell me."

"Oh! Now you are interested? Just when dad is tempted to cheat on you, you finally think about him?"

"Cheating on me?! Stop it Hamish and tell me already!" Sherlock was now shouting at his glaring boy. Sherlock furrowed his eyebrows when the smaller image of himself is walking around him. "You may have not noticed that I observed you some time ago…." Hamish said, looking Sherlock up and down, deducing his broken arm and appearance at all. "…and I observed that dad became quite unhappy…"

"He never said that he is unhappy." Sherlock replied, smirking at his son. His son smirked, making him feeling uneasy again. "I never thought that such easy lie would work on you." Sherlock glared down at the teen. "And today I met that other guy," Hamish, still walking in circles around his father, was now standing behind the older man. He smirked when he heard the man gasped in shock.

"You're bluffing." Sherlock breathed out.

"I wish I were." Hamish replied simply, walking around his father to face him again. "Dad had like that guy's attention. All giggling and blushing-"

"You're lying!" Sherlock snapped angrily.

"I'm not! It's your fault, father! Admit it! Since when did you guys have sex last time?"

"That's obviously none of your business, Son."

"It became my business by the time I wanted a little sibling!"

Sherlock was shocked. He stood on his place silently. Hamish was blushing like bad now but didn't stop. "I admit it, I want a little sibling. But it's not like I can simply walk up on you and demand one, right? So I started to observe you so I could maybe sneak the medicals away, when dad is not looking. And then I notice your stupidity about rejecting the sex. Father, you may be a man who can live without such activities but dad is not like you! He is like the others, he wants attention from the one he loves, don't you get it?!"

They both stood there in silence.

"I really was an idiot, wasn't I?" Sherlock sighed, rubbing his face with his good hand. Hamish smiled at him. "Now that you learned your lesson, let's get dad back. And then you do him properly, get it?"

Sherlock couldn't stop laughing. "I can't believe that I talk about such topics with my own son."

When they left their flat, Hamish led them to their angry dad and husband. "Are you sure he is living there?" Sherlock asked when they reached their destination. It was an old building which really need some renovation, but still. "Of course I'm sure! That guy was just so obvious! I mean, that shirt he was wearing and that haircut, really, come on." His father grinned at him. Hamish knew that look, the I'm-proud-of-you-look. "Dad still doesn't know about your deduction-skills?" He asked Hamish. The teen shook his head, "If he knew that, where is the fun in that?" Both chuckled lightly.

Then they saw two figures walking up to the building. Quickly, both men were hiding in the bushes. To be true, Hamish pulled the other man into the bushes. "First you have to get your punishment. You have to see what pain you caused dad by rejecting him all the time." Hamish explained. He ignored his father's glaring as they watched the figures coming closer.

"'m sorry for you to deal with ma complain's…" they heard John grumbling.

"Don't worry, John. I'm here for you. I think your husband is really a jerk." 'Donny', just as Hamish introduced, replied. His arm was around the doctor's waist while John's arm was around the other's neck for support. Sherlock growled angrily at them. More likely at 'Donny'.

"Hey, no ba' mouthing 'bout Sherlock!" John slurred, obviously, he's drunk. "He is a jerk….bu' only I say tha' he is a jerk…" he defended his husband.

"Can I be honest with you, John?"

"…surrre…." John replied, giggling lightly.

"I think that you deserved someone better that Sherlock Holmes…"

Sherlock huffed angrily, but Hamish held him back. To their surprise, John laughed full hearty. "You're riiight!" he laughed, which caused Sherlock's heart to ach. "If ya found someone better than him..." John laughed, "call me!"

Sherlock's heart skipped a beat. Even after he treated his husband like this in the past month, John still was so loyal and…the consulting detective rubbed his eyes. "Father?" Hamish whispered, "something's wrong?"

"_Hey, Sherlock, how about we relax at first?" John suggested when he massaged his husband's shoulder. "Look at you…you're so stiff. You should loosen up. Hamish is asleep right now…" Sherlock felt little bites and kisses on his ear and neck. But he wanted to solve this case. With his hand he gently caressed John's face. "Go ahead. I'll follow you soon after." John gave him one last kiss and went upstairs. And then it was bright outside and an annoyed John came into the living room. "Done thinking?" He growled. When Sherlock didn't response, John continued, "I never thought to say it, but the last time we did it was about three weeks. I believed that we could spend some time together…"_

"_Didn't we spend time together yesterday?" Sherlock asked. John glared at him. "Forget it" he snapped and walked into the kitchen, making breakfast._

'And then what happened for three days…' Sherlock thought frustrated…

_Sherlock was sitting in their bedroom, tipping on his phone and scanning the information his groups of the homeless people (_**AN: Sorry, I forgot how they are called **( **-.-'**)_)_ _when John entered the room. He was only in his boxer shorts and walked up on Sherlock, placing himself on the other's lap. John took his phone and threw it off the bed, not caring where it landed. He ignored his lover's protests and kissed him wantonly, his arms around his detective's neck. It didn't take him long and he pressed Sherlock down so he lied flat on the bed. "John, really-"He was interrupted by another kiss and intruding tongue. "…need you…" John breathed out between the kisses, "…need you now…" Sherlock felt his husband's hardness pressing against his thigh. "John, not now…" Sherlock sighed, lightly annoyed. But the other didn't listen and kissed down the neck. When he opened the first buttons of the taller man's violet shirt, Sherlock grabbed him harshly by the shoulders and sat straight up, looking angry at his lover. "Really, John, what came over you? How can you think about sex right now when we're so close to get the killer?" John stiffened and looked eyes with Sherlock who was clearly not amused and obviously not aroused. He bowed his head down. "….I'm…sorry…" he mumbled, climbed off the other and put on his pajama. He took the phone and gave it back to Sherlock. Sherlock took it wordless and watched him getting into bed, facing his back to him._

"And now that mindless idiot has MY John in his arms." Sherlock growled, ignoring his son smirking at him.

* * *

"Hey…tha's not my home…" the both Watson-Holmes heard. "I know…." Donny said sickly seducing, "I just thought about taking care of your problems…problems your husband doesn't seem able to take care of…" John couldn't reply because of the other man's lips on his. His eyes widen in shock and he shoved Donny harshly away. "Wha's tha' about?!" drunken John demanded. "Don't be like that, Johnny…" Donny chuckled and pulled John again in his arms, who shoved him away. The doctor didn't notice two figures moving up at them. Donny now got a tight hold on him, one arm around his waist and the other pulling his hair, and nibbled his neck. John knew what he had to do…

...

"I watched enough!" Sherlock snapped, running out the bushes with his son behind him. He came to a halt when he saw John swinging his knee with all his might at that guy's groin. Said man let go of him and fell to the floor. "Sorrrrry…..for sen'ing wrong signalsss…." John slurred, turning to head back home just to run into Sherlock, who stood right behind him. "Sherlock!" he shouted, immediately looking guilty. "I swwweeaaar….." he tried to get the words loud and clear, "I swear nothin' happen…" Sherlock looked at him emotionless. "I know." He pulled him into a warm embrace with his good arm. "I'm sorry, John. I really was an idiot. Not only for the rejections you had to deal with, but also the fact that I didn't notice what you needed the most. You could have slept with that man just because I was so careless. But you didn't, for me. I hope you will forgive me…."

There was no response. John was simply looking at him, his eyes unreadable. "John?" Sherlock asked. Hamish and he were looking at their husband and dad.

Slowly, John hold up his hand and poking his lover's nose while saying, "pokey, pokey,…"

Hamish stifled his laughing and his father smiled fondly at his dad, something no one ever saw him doing. "Let's going home, love…"

* * *

Hamish was eating breakfast when his dad came walking in, wearing his pajama. "Damn…I surely drank too much…" he groaned, massaging his forehead. He was surprised by Sherlock holding a glass water and aspirin to him. "Oh…good morning Sherlock..." John greeted him, blushing. "Good morning. And now drink it." Sherlock replied, handing him the medicals and glass. "Th-thank you…"

Sherlock then left the kitchen again. John looked confused at his son, asking for explanation. "Any memories from yesterday?" the teen asked. His dad blushed shaking his head. "Well, you should ask father, he will tell you everything."

Then his father appeared in the kitchen again, "did you take your medicals?" John quickly swallowed the pill and the water, looking back at the taller man. "Yup. You look strange, Sherlock. Did you get another case?" He shouted surprised when Sherlock pulled him over his shoulder, caring him towards their bedroom. "Sherlock! What the bloody hell are you doing!?" he shouted through the flat. "We have sex now John. Don't you get the signals?" Sherlock replied flatly.

"WHAT? Sherlock your arm is still broken-"

"That won't stop me."

"-and Hamish will hear us-"

"Hamish?" Sherlock shouted.

"Yes, father?" Hamish shouted back.

"Get out if you still want a sibling!"

"Got it!" With that, Hamish has officially left their home.

"A sibling!? Wait, you don't just want sex while having a broken arm but also make a baby?!"

"Correct, any problem with that?"

John didn't know what to say. When they reached the bedroom, John found himself on his lover's lap, kissing him tenderly. "I love you, John…"

John broke away from the kiss, looking at the other. "Sherlock, I was really drunk last night….what happened?" Sherlock just grinned, "Nothing."

It seemed as if his consulting detective was referring to something that happened last night but John also could just imagine it. "But now that it seems that you forgot what I said yesterday, I shall repeat it for you. Sherlock quoted his apologize again, in the end irritated that John was about to cry, biting his lower lip.

"John, did I say something wrong?"

He shook his head and hugged him tightly. "I almost cheated on you…!" He chocked. Sherlock pulled John away to look at him properly. "No you didn't. When that 'Donny' tried to make out with you, you beat him up, at least enough so he couldn't try anything on you. Believe me, nothing happened."

Sherlock grinned lightly as John calmed down, smiling at him. He sniffed lightly, kissing his detective again and said, "I'm horny."

"Well, let us take care of you…."

* * *

Mycroft was watching his nephew sitting on the couch in his living room. "Not that I'm not delighted for your visit but what brings you here? And who let you in?" Hamish, who was reading his book, looked up at his uncle. "Your boyfriend let me in. Lestrade's nice, you should keep him. To answer the first question, my parents are making me a sibling." Mycroft almost let his glass of scotch, he was making to drink, falling by that comment.

**End.**

When Donny woke up on the streets, he swore to himself, "Never flirt with married people and drunk soldiers..."


End file.
